The Day I Got My Parade

November 10, 2009

So any of you who attended my CD release concert heard me talk about my recent dental situation. I’ve never really been one to floss on a regular basis, instead opting to floss twice a day for a week before my 6 month visits. Every time I go to the dentist, the hygienist asks me if I’m flossing and I try to come up with a clever way of saying yes without having to lie about it, knowing full well that she sees thru my thinly veiled attempt at dental deception. But then I decided it was time for a change.

At my cleaning 6 months ago, I was in the midst of writing a new song which would eventually become the title track from my new CD, “Resolution”. The chorus lyrics say, “Every day’s a brand new chance to pick another tune to dance to, or just start over. Leave behind procrastinating; no excuse is worth the waiting. Today’s the day for a resolution.” So that day, I determined to floss every single day at least until my next checkup.

I told this story at my concert, which was fitting because I had my cleaning scheduled for the following day. Unfortunately, I knew that although I had been successful in keeping my resolution of flossing every day for six months, I knew when it came up in conversation with the hygienist, she wouldn’t be nearly as impressed with me as I was with myself. That night I told everyone that though I was expecting some mild accolades, I was secretly hoping for a grandiose gesture of approval and amazement; I deserved a parade! (yes, for flossing my teeth)

The next morning I was informed they needed to reschedule, so I set the appointment for 2 weeks later, knowing it must have been very inconvenient to the marching band, acrobats, and circus clowns who must have been standing by to surprise me. When the two weeks were up, my emotional Macy’s Thanksgiving Day balloon was quickly deflated at the following conversation with the hygienist.

“So, have you been flossing?”

“EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!”

“Great, let’s get those teeth cleaned.”

What! All I get is a “great?” Where’s my spectacle? What happened to the cavalcade of pop stars lip-synching songs of congratulations and amazement? Where’s my parade? Oh well, the satisfaction of healthy gums would have to be enough.

But then something funny happened. The next day I was already planning on attending the grand opening of the new Galleria Drive overpass and exit off the 515/93/95 freeway (yes, it ridiculously has 3 names and should probably star in Doogie Howser, MD or Sex and the City). So I showed up with my friends and coworkers from Central to celebrate the extra one and a half minutes of sleep I’d now be able to claim.

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To my surprise, upon arriving, I found out that those of us from Central were to be given mustard-colored commemorative t-shirts to wear as we marched in a parade as a part of the festivities!

As I stood behind the marching band, waiting to march across the bridge, I couldn’t help but remember the parade I jokingly wanted the day before. I mean really! How many times in your life, whether or not in jest, have you said you wanted a parade in your honor? And how many times have you marched in a parade? Almost exactly 24 hours after I missed out on my parade, I was marching in one, pretending it was a celebration of the merits of daily flossing, and utterly joyous in my self-deception.

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No More Mr. Nice Guy!

October 27, 2009

Yesterday I had the utter privilege of going to the Henderson DMV to have my license renewed. Why didn’t I just do it online? Because apparently every couple of years you have to go and do it in person and have a new photo taken. Now it’s no secret that to most people, a trip to the DMV is somewhat akin to having a tooth pulled, or waiting for CSI: Miami’s Horatio to finish taking off his sunglasses and just say the cheesy opening line, but I have to give credit where it’s due; the Henderson DMV is the best DMV I’ve been to.

License

So what made this particular visit interesting was not that I was there for 2 hours to basically confirm the information they already had, but that I needed to take a new picture. Time for some backstory. In all of my previous pictures, I always had a well thought out strategy to answer the age old picture debate: to smile or not to smile. I would venture to say that most normal people don’t put a lot of forethought into this particular issue, but in the words of catchy new tune called “Square Peg” (available now at aaronstewart.com!), I’m a little left of normal. I have always decided that if I ever got pulled over and a cop asked to see my license, that there was a better chance he or she would be lenient if they received a smiling reception from the piece of informatory plastic they inspected. Do I have any substantive data to back up this claim? Of course, not, but I figure it probably wouldn’t hurt my hypothetical situation. So the answer is, I smile.

At the end of my glorious DMV experience, I find myself standing in line to have my picture taken, slightly confused by the extremely blank faces people are making to the camera. I didn’t understand why anyone would want their photo to look like mugshot, but regardless of my confusion, each face looked eerily the same. When I finally reached the front of the line, I was able to read the sign posted indicating “the age of facial recognition technology is here.” Interesting…

To my limited understanding, formulated from one read thru of the aforementioned sign, you can’t wear glasses and your ears must be showing in order for the technology to function property. Neither of which were relevant to my current appearance. So the lady behind the counter instructed me to stare at the blue dot for 5 seconds. 5 seconds? Wait, is this the actual picture, or is this the technology leading up to the picture? After watching the people before me, I was pretty sure this was it. Well, I wasn’t going to try and smile for 5 seconds straight and look like a buffoon (not that I’m not used to looking like a buffoon), so I decided I would have to abandon my decade and a half strategy and just put on the most pleasant looking non-smiling face that I could.

And that was it. I don’t even get to see the picture that will represent me for the next number of years until it arrives in the mail in about 10 days. Can’t they have a reverse mirror mounted on the top of the camera or something? Or maybe bring in good old Olan Mills and let you do a couple of shots and then you get to pick the best one. In any case, if I do get pulled over now, no more Mr. Nice Guy.


Everyone and their dog has a blog

October 26, 2009

So this is my first foray into the world of blogging and I’m excited that after years of considering it, I’ve finally taken the plunge. What remains to be seen however, is if I will have the discipline to somewhat regularly maintain it. Interestingly enough, I’m usually one of the first people to jump into a new technology, so the fact that I just alluded to blogging as a new technology shows how infinitely behind on this I am.

Okay, fine! The real reason I’ve waited so long is that by entering the blogosphere after everyone and their dog has a blog, I’m afraid I will be admitting that I’m behind the curve. You see, I love to read up on all sorts of technology (especially Apple), and be the first person in my circles to know any rumors or unsubstantiated facts. I love that I was one of the first of my friends on Facebook and Twitter and I love being the “go to guy” for anything technological. So up until now, I’ve always had the excuse that I didn’t blog because I didn’t want to. Or since I never actually made an excuse, I subconsciously hoped people would think I was too cool to blog, or I would retain some mystery by not exposing what a nerd I actually am! Unfortunately my inner weirdo cannot be squelched!

So here I am finishing the final paragraph of my first post, and I’ve already started to think of some funny and interesting stuff to write about in the future. I’m going to need some sort of system to remember things that are interesting enough to blog about. The good news is that there doesn’t seem to be a shortage of blog-worthy material in my life, so I might as well publicize it for the world to enjoy.